I posted this to Facebook one year ago and realized I have yet to finish. I wrote this bucket list after an unexpected breakup—via text—on my birthday. There are many reasons why breakups suck. This one was just plain dumb. We humans are hot‑wired to fear rejection. We literally, and physically, feel it in our hearts. Neurologically our brain is actively trying to reconnect, and process this similarly to physical pain. I read somewhere once that there are three million first dates every single day; and that if you are dating someone under thirty there’s a 53% chance that they won’t even bother to dump you in person. I’m not a math wiz, but that’s a lot of endings via text. This means I am not alone. There comes a time in everybody’s life where you’re sick of wasting time on people who displease or hurt you. I call it The Purge. You purge through your friends on Facebook and no longer have the patience for people who lie and manipulate. So how are we to occupy our time and distract ourselves? This was my way a year ago, and I found the most unusual satisfaction from some of the most outlandish things. For these reasons, I was inspired to write a helpful guide to getting over that breakup hump with: A Single Girl Bucket List.
- Travel Solo: There is truly something liberating about taking a holiday alone. Do something exciting, artsy, cultural—anything but that romantic destination for two. Get out of your own head and do something that is strictly yours. Pick a target and achieve ultimate independence!
- Conquer a Fear: Whether its arachnophobia, aquaphobia, glossphobia or even claustrophobia; defeat it. If you have a fear of public speaking, have a wild karaoke night (with a lot of liquid courage!) If you fear crowds, go to a metal concert. Whatever it might be, conquering your fears is the first step in believing in yourself, and nothing is more rewarding. Reframe that fear into excitement and you will value courage over security.
- Try online dating: Go on a dozen first dates. Two dozen even. Most people wonder what it is like to have a blind date, so have some fun and try it out. Speed dating has got to be done, too. You could end up with a catch, or a not‑so-catch. Either way it’s a learning experience worth having, and you’ll most likely get a few free meals out of it!
- Throw a great party and get shit-faced: This is achievable! For once in your life, throw a proper rager. Invite everyone and their brother. Laugh at yourself and bask in the sunshine. Being drunk gives you the opportunity to be laid-back, playful, and honest. You can end up on an adventure you would normally deem crazy, and you are far more likely to go after all that sex you’ve been missing out on.
- Go to a nude beach: Embrace your femininity. Feel that literal air of sexiness and confidence. Ditch the sweatpants—ditch clothes all together. You should be comfortable in your own sexuality, and your future man will applaud your sensual nature.
- Be homeless: “In the hour of adversity be not without hope, for crystal rain fall from black clouds.” I’m not encouraging you to sell your house and panhandle. What I am encouraging is a spontaneous dispossessed getaway. Back to basics. Road-trip somewhere random and live in your car. Go on a hike or camping expedition. Get lost and find your way back. Realize what it is like to struggle and put your life into perspective.
- Take a risk: If you were offered a job abroad, or in a different city, now is the time to take it before you’re tied down. “Great achievements involve great risks.” Start small and risk being real in front of others. Risk the consequence of taking action. Risk the possibility of failing. Today is a new day. Don’t be afraid and follow your intuition.
- Date younger, and older: If you’ve accumulated some sexual know-how, date a younger man and show him the ropes. He will remember you forever, and boost your confidence. Be open-minded and live out your fantasies with an older man. He will be intimate and treat you like a queen. You will never hear “I need to focus on me right now.”
- Take a class: Drama, singing, painting, fitness, dancing, cooking, sewing… Take any class your little heart desires. Take the occasion to meet new people with similar interests. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.
- Accomplish a childhood dream: I’ve always wanted to get trapped in a shopping mall as a kid. As an adult I’m a little wary. Chase down an ice cream truck, or go tobogganing. Organize a giant food fight. Be a kid again and forget about the stress of adulthood. Remember to be childlike (fearless, resilient and kind) not childish (short-tempered, greedy and immature).
- Buy something ridiculous for yourself: Every woman needs to treat herself every once in a while. Buy something extravagant, expensive, and impractical, with no one to suggest you shouldn’t!
Last but not least,
- Do something good: Do some volunteer work, and give back to your community. Be remembered for the good that you do. Heal the hurting, and lift the fallen. Nothing teaches hope better than helping those in need, and nothing is more gratifying.