My Cynical Response to all You Dick-Buckets on POF

Hey blankus, blankus, banana-nana-bo-blankus,

You seem like an interesting cat! Perrrrrrr. I like your pictures, your skin looks amazing. My skin is not the greatest, but my doctor says that should be clearing up any day now. Those thick thighs though, and that bulge in your pants. . . Well let’s just say that swell is swell!

 So I should tell you a little bit about myself. I’m a really nice girl. I’m not super pretty or anything but what I lack in good looks I for sure make up in personality. I’m a little bit of a hoarder. One thing I collect are fingernail clippings. It sounds weird, but I heard once that they actually keep growing after they’re clipped. Holly-Mother-and-Joseph! Well let’s see about that! I also collect hair out of my shower drain, and I save all my hair brush hair so I can maybe make a wig for when I’m old or something.

I love practical jokes! My co-workers keep putting gay pride stickers and rainbow drawings in my office and car. Those tricksters are so funny! I accidentally told them I like the smell of passed gas and now they keep farting around me. . . haha. . . wow that Shelly eats some nasty food I can tell. So no rolling down the car windows for me baby!

I also like to read. My favorite novel is A Guide to Bone Toothbrushes. Which reminds me you have a really nice smile. Now I’m reading The Art of Faking Exhibition Poultry by G. Scott. I’m only reading it because I want to become a Chicken Sexer. I have a thing for chickens. Right now I’m a Pet Food Taster. I really don’t mind the job, and dentil is great, but because I eat pet food all day I can rarely enjoy my favorites anymore 😦

One thing my profile does not mention is I do have two kids. One by C-section and one ALL NATURAL. So it really is a mess down there unfortunately.

Let the adventure begin!

P.S. I’m a great cook. K.D. is my ultimate specialty. Chicken hearts too; all fried up in a pan with butter—YUM! Man, chickens are awesome!

. . . . . . . . . .

If you think I’m being unreasonable and ridiculous, I blame online dating. Actually I blame men in general for turning me into a cynic.

Photo credit & fellow blogger:
6 Tips For Writing The Perfect Online Dating Profile

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